Julie Says... It's a New Day

Today I turn 30. Though "turn" is such a funny way to say it, as though a phantom switch flipped and made me something new.

My most overwhelming feeling is of gratitude. I am simply thankful to be alive. To date, 4,965 soldiers have died in this war, five were my classmates, many more were friends or people I served with at some point. If you knew just one of these men.. how brilliant, how kind, how beautiful, how talented, how good he was. You would be crushed by just the one. Multiply that heartache by every person who loved him: his wife, his kids, his mother, his father, his friends. Multiply that grief by 4,965. Thankful is an understatement.

It is too easy to become mired in grief but to do so is a disservice. At my class's 5th reunion (which I did not attend), the speech for the memorial service recalled the movie Saving Private Ryan where the dying Captain tells Ryan, "Earn this. Live a good life. Earn this." And so I try. I try to be thankful for all that I have. My life. My health. My family. And most of my sanity -- some of the time. I try to live life honorably and with joy and gratitude. I try not to question why I survived when others did not. I try not to compare the value or impact of my life to theirs. I choose to think there is a higher purpose that we may never know or understand... but there is a purpose. There must be.

I can't say I'm where I expected to be at 30. You know, not married, no kids, unemployed and living with my parents. For the record, I am laughing now. Because, seriously, life is good. I don't have a bad marriage or annoying kids or a job I hate, and I like living with my parents. I have a Master's Degree in a field I love. I'm on my way to a career that I will (hopefully) love. I have a garden springing full of life (no, that is not a metaphor). I have two cats that are endlessly entertaining. I also have a box full of goodies my sister sent. And hell, I have an iPod Touch. That alone kicks ass. Oh -- and don't forget the FiveFingers. Who could complain?

And so this morning I strapped on my running gear, put will.i.am's "It's a New Day" on repeat, and I ran and ran and ran.

Now I'm going to bake myself some cupcakes and try out a new yoga routine... and somewhere in there send off another resume.

Julie Says... Pain Management

Another good run yesterday. More of the same. I started out a little stiff and sore from the run on Monday, but that's to be expected. I think I cursed myself yesterday morning when I decided it wasn't important that I have yet to order Injinji socks for my VFFs. Right around quitting time, a familiar burn started to smolder on the side of my left instep. It's just a tiny blister, but I'm peeved. I inspected the inside of my shoes trying to find the culprit. There is an exposed seam, but it's so soft, it's hard to believe it's to blame. Curiously, the seams are in different places on the left and right shoe. Not so curious is the funky smell I noticed when inspecting them up close. Eeeeuuuu. Good thing they're machine washable :)

Next order of business is to create a playlist to keep me from looking at the time every ten minutes -- also to stop my brain's relentless repetition of "Pah-Pah-Pah-Poker Face, Pah-Pah-Poker Face."

Great. There it goes again. "Hooked on a Feeling" never stood a chance.

Today I'm sore but in a satisfactory kind of way with zero joint pain. It feels like a miracle -- but I'm not jumping out of my seat yet. I'm keeping my elation in reserve. We'll let time decide. For the record, I took NSAIDs daily from about 2001 until last year. Up until the FDA alert/withdrawal I took Celebrex and then Bextra (good stuff, too bad it'll kill ya). From that time on, I was stuck with Motrin. Last year, my digestive system decided enough was enough, and I quit. Other than Bextra, none of it really worked anyway. Shockingly, I was in less pain without the drugs. My digestive tract hasn't forgiven me yet, but I'm working on it. Since adding yoga to my life, my joints have become less and less painful. I've read plenty of anecdotes on the web of other people having similar success with yoga. It frustrates me that not one doctor ever suggested yoga. Instead, I got "Take two of these and suck it up" over and over. To be fair, from about 2002 - 2004 (minus the exotic vacay time) my boss was a Physical Therapist who gave lots of good advice and was genuinely concerned about making me fit and pain-free. The Polar HRM was a "gift" from him (I swear I didn't mean to borrow it for forever; also, Uncle Sam paid for it, so I really don't feel that bad about it considering he still owes me). So I do ask myself if I would have listened if I had heard it... I really don't have an answer for that.

For now, I'm sticking to what works and keeping my fingers crossed.

Julie Says... The Right Attitude

May 18th?? Where did the month go?! I can't believe I've had my VFFs (Vibram FiveFingers) almost a month and just had my first proper run in them.

Let's see:
Week 1: Went to DLF Conference with Beverly in Raleigh... although we got home Wednesday evening, I spent Thursday recovering and Fri/Sat working.
Week 2: I had to work 4 whole (half) days this week! The horror! What kind of crazy world is this? I kid... I kid. Sort of. I'm amazed at how busy I feel when I have nothing pressing to do. I'll have to remember this when I re-enter the real world. Apparently, I like to feel stressed.

So...

1. Travel


2. Work


3. Excessive amounts of rain. According to the NWS, Charlottesville Station, total rainfall so far this month: 5 in. Days with rain: 12/18. Yes, I do melt in the rain. Whether it's because I'm made of sugar or a witch has yet to be determined. Best to avoid the wet stuff either way.

(pardon me while I spin the Excuse-Ometer just one more time)


4. A cat bit me. I only wish I were kidding. What this has to do with not running, I don't know. Aforementioned Excuse-Ometer has its limitations.

This morning I did 30 minutes around the ball field in VFFs using the Polar HRM. My praise for the VFFs is so first-love-effusive that I'm reluctant to say anything at all. I fear over-praise may turn people off, or that I am setting myself up for disappointment. For now, I'll keep it to two points.

1. When I put them on, I just want to go. Man, what a good feeling. The first day I had the VFFs, I was rocketing around the yard and woods like a crazed person. My sweet, slightly-off cat, Squeaky, had a blast following me around. When I finally pooped out somewhere in the middle of the woods, she wound around my legs purring for minute, then began a thorough inspection of the things on my feet. She sniffed and sniffed and sniffed, then walked a full circle around me, eyes locked on shoes. She concluded by walking across the tops of my feet. The next day, when I walked outside with the VFFs on, Squeaky took one look at my feet and ZOOMED off the porch. Pfft. Zip. Zoom. White streak into the woods. What can I say? These shoes are contagious.



2. I hate shoes. Let me amend. I love shoes. I can spend hours shopping and admiring pretty shoes. I just hate to wear them. I spend most of my day barefoot. Obviously, if I'm in public I wear shoes, but since I'm a hermit, that's not that often. In the winter, when the ground is covered in seed pods, I'll usually throw on flip flops to walk through the yard. Otherwise, no shoes. When I walk through the door, the first thing I do is kick off my shoes. So why didn't I try barefoot (or more precisely, barefoot-alternative) running before? Because marketing tells me I need shoes! The Army told me I need shoes! Society tells me I need shoes! Also, sharp things hurt (hello, fang through hand, ouch). VFFs for me are a perfect compromise. They feel very much like being barefoot, only maybe better, because I can let go of the fear of stepping on sharp things. These are the only shoes I have ever worn that I don't rip off as soon as possible. I can actually forget that I'm wearing them. Matter of fact, I'm wearing them right now :)

At minute 23 this morning, I looked at the time and was surprised. I felt good. So good, in fact, I thought I might push to 45 minutes, maybe even a full hour. I was definitely sweating despite the 55 degree weather, but my legs felt good and thanks to the HRM, my breathing was under control. Not 30 seconds later, the Parks & Rec maintenance trucks showed up. It would be nice if they would stick to a schedule, so I could avoid being mowed over. I finished up my scheduled 30 minutes by running circles in the yard. Gah. Not fun. Although I'm disappointed that I don't feel like I had a workout, I am proud of my attitude. There have been few times in my life I ever reached the end of a workout and wanted to keep pushing. I have many times pushed myself beyond my given constraints, but rarely with joy. I'm sure the VFFs have something to do with the joy, since this is the first time I have run pain-free since I was in my teens.

I also suspect it may have something to do with my reading ultra-marathoner blogs. These guys run insane distances! And they like it! It's great to read about how they deal with pain and obstacles. There is never any sort of defeatist attitude or punishment/reward associated with their accomplishments and failures. They simply do the best they can and accept the consequences. No excuses -- only opportunity for growth. What went right? Do it again. What went wrong? Prevent it in the future. So when I hit minute 23, I can think about one of these guys at mile 23, and it is easy to want to keep going.

Julie Says... Feet v. Shoes

World, meet my feet.



Quite ugly, aren’t they? Notice the exceptionally long and skinny toes. It may amuse and/or horrify you to know that my big toe is actually larger than my thumb (both in length and width). For those of you who are nosy, they’re size 8.5, narrow natch.

Now, meet a few of my ailments, both past and present: recurring metatarsal and tibial stress fractures, bursitis, arthritis, and the usual annoying-but-less-worrisome shin splints.

Are my weird skinny feet the culprit?

What, those guys? C’mon, give them a break. They’ve spent a lifetime being abused: crammed into tight toe boxes, slipping and sliding in shoes that are always too wide, the naturally high arches forced into submission by unnaturally flat and stiff soles. If they were at fault, could you blame them?

I’d like to present an alternate theory.

Exhibit A: The painful truth about trainers*

I don’t expect you to read the entire article, as it quite long, and you are likely not nearly as fascinated by this as I am, but at least scroll through and take a gander at the photos and illustrations.

*This is a British article, so you’ll have to forgive the use of “trainers” for sneakers and the odd alternate spelling, such as “tyre” for “tire.” Quaint, those forbearers of ours.

Exhibit B: Nike says go barefoot… almost

Nike, yes, a company that sells shoes for running, has determined the most effective way to run is… barefoot.

Exhibit C: Nike Free running shoes: are they worth it?

This Ask MeFi thread is the origin of my current obsession. Note that the question is “Are Nike Frees a good investment?” while the answer is a resounding, “I love my Vibram FiveFingers.” Hmmm. Interesting.

Conclusion: Brace yourself.

World, meet my feet in FiveFingers**.



Because this post is long enough already, I’ll save more for other days. For now, I’ll leave you with my first impressions.

Freedom. Exhilaration. Connection. Me, my feet, my FiveFingers, and the Earth. We’re a pretty good combination.

Oh, yes…

A great big THANK YOU to Mama for being open-minded enough to buy these (early) for my birthday.

**The tags are still on the shoes in this picture, as it was taken just minutes after the UPS man had exited the driveway. The tags are now gone, and the shoes covered in pollen and detritus.