Julie Says... It's a New Day

Today I turn 30. Though "turn" is such a funny way to say it, as though a phantom switch flipped and made me something new.

My most overwhelming feeling is of gratitude. I am simply thankful to be alive. To date, 4,965 soldiers have died in this war, five were my classmates, many more were friends or people I served with at some point. If you knew just one of these men.. how brilliant, how kind, how beautiful, how talented, how good he was. You would be crushed by just the one. Multiply that heartache by every person who loved him: his wife, his kids, his mother, his father, his friends. Multiply that grief by 4,965. Thankful is an understatement.

It is too easy to become mired in grief but to do so is a disservice. At my class's 5th reunion (which I did not attend), the speech for the memorial service recalled the movie Saving Private Ryan where the dying Captain tells Ryan, "Earn this. Live a good life. Earn this." And so I try. I try to be thankful for all that I have. My life. My health. My family. And most of my sanity -- some of the time. I try to live life honorably and with joy and gratitude. I try not to question why I survived when others did not. I try not to compare the value or impact of my life to theirs. I choose to think there is a higher purpose that we may never know or understand... but there is a purpose. There must be.

I can't say I'm where I expected to be at 30. You know, not married, no kids, unemployed and living with my parents. For the record, I am laughing now. Because, seriously, life is good. I don't have a bad marriage or annoying kids or a job I hate, and I like living with my parents. I have a Master's Degree in a field I love. I'm on my way to a career that I will (hopefully) love. I have a garden springing full of life (no, that is not a metaphor). I have two cats that are endlessly entertaining. I also have a box full of goodies my sister sent. And hell, I have an iPod Touch. That alone kicks ass. Oh -- and don't forget the FiveFingers. Who could complain?

And so this morning I strapped on my running gear, put will.i.am's "It's a New Day" on repeat, and I ran and ran and ran.

Now I'm going to bake myself some cupcakes and try out a new yoga routine... and somewhere in there send off another resume.