Julie Says... Step One

I had a phone interview this morning for a job that sounds promising. I think it will be awhile before I know more. I am hopeful, but I don't want to get too excited yet. I was nervous this morning, so I indulged my flight response and went for a quick, hard run. After I burned off my nerves, I spent some time on the yoga mat to relieve some of the tension in my muscles and quiet my brain. The result was that I had just enough nerves left to keep me on my toes without being too crazed (I hope).

Pursuing this half-marathon goal is an interesting adventure for me psychologically. I always ran because I had to run. It wasn't a choice. In the military, you rarely run your own pace, and unless you are faster than everyone you aren't fast enough. Especially as an officer, you literally need to be able to run circles around your soldiers. I never felt like I was good enough, and I always ran with pain. It was incredibly frustrating and tough on the psyche. Your physical fitness is a measure of your competence. You can be the best at everything else, but if you can't compete physically, you lose respect.

This is the first time in my life I am running just for the sake of running. Because it is a choice and not a chore, because my professional reputation doesn't depend on every step, it's so much easier to get up and go. I really do run for pleasure with no expectation of return. I'm just running.

I have to tell you, it was joyful to be able to run off my nerves this morning. It's weird to remember that there was a time when running itself caused me to be that nervous. Now, to run because it feels good... to run because I can... it is immensely rewarding.

If you search Flickr with the words "joy" and "running", why is it that almost all of the photos are of children or animals?

I'm still thinking on that one while I read Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.